Humor

The Weird Shit You Do on the Internet That You Don’t Want Your Boyfriend to See

Or maybe you do, but only if he’s oddly into it. If he doesn’t see you as a obsessive freak, and thinks it’s strangely endearing. If you have that guy, keep him!

You’re not engaged, but you have 3 different wedding registries at Macy’s, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Target. Plus, you may or may not have just started your dream registry at Pottery Barn.

There’s no bun in your oven, but you’ve got a BabyList, complete with the details down to which cloth dipes you’re planning on buying.

Your One Direction fan blog. There is literally no cure for the embarrassment your creepy obsession with British teenagers is going to earn you.

That porno you skimmed through last week trying to inspire some creativity in the bedroom. Turns out you don’t really want to try any of those sexual acts with the names you can’t figure out like donkey punches and cream pies. What.

Your Google history, including every last embarrassing question. Early pregnancy symptoms, what to wear to impress your boyfriend on a date, weird body odors… all of it.

Your wedding board on Pinterest. The ring, the dress, the colors. You swear he’s going to propose any day now… wait, you don’t even have a boyfriend?

The list of things you’ve recently watched on Hulu Plus or Netflix. Maybe you spent 13 hours watching Glee reruns last weekend. Oops.

How much money you actually spent online shopping. No babe, it was totally on sale!

The constant internet stalking of every one of his exes. Haha, she got fat. And her new boyfriend is ugly. No shame.

How many selfies it actually takes to get the perfect one for Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and god knows what other social media sites are in existence. Sure, he thinks you’re pretty in that sweet new #SelfieSunday you posted, but if only he could see your outtakes. So seductive.

Just bury your head now.

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