Hello, Gorgeous.


Okay fine, I’ll accept that I’m not Fanny Brice (but a girl can dream, right? Rachel Berry does it…)

Or Ariel for that matter… What the heck, I’m blonde…

Anyway, it’s been a while. And by while I mean more than two months because apparently when a gal gets married these days, blogging no longer matters.


Just a little update:

  • I have a husband! HUSBAND. I mean he’s heading to our next base in 9 days, but who’s counting? (hint: me)
  • I’m working hard to get my fitness and nutrition in check (and by hard, I mean with the occasional cookie).
  • I finally quit smoking.
  • My husband (still can’t get over that word) and I replaced our Camel Menthol Silvers with these babies

PS, iTaste did not endorse me to say this, but, THESE ARE THE GREATEST INVENTION EVER. If your idea of an E-Cig is the crappy gas station ones that die after three days, I’m here to change your mind. There are endless flavor choices and you can gradually lower your nicotine intake. But hell, if I’m not smoking chemicals, I’m totally okay with being addicted to nicotine for the rest of my life. TheVaporChef has flavors like Nutella, Butter Beer and ‘Unicorn Poop’. I have only one word for these things — AMAZEBALLS.

You’ve probably read that my beautiful co-writer, Lyss, and her husband are expected a little peanut this Fall. I’m beyond excited for them! But we also found out we won’t be together when school is over, so that’s a bummer.

I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m going to start blogging regularly again because my hobby habits are at an all time low. What’s a girl to do when she only has a week left with her new Hubby and will be apart for the first time since tying the knot?

Aside from that, life is good. I’m happy, healthy and excited for the new chapter in my life– and can’t wait to take you all with me.

Until next time, Gorgeous.


Something Old, Something New


…you know how the rest of it goes.

A woman’s wedding is supposed to be the peak of her entire life. She finally found someone who wants to spend forever with her and her parents want to shell out the equivalent to a down payment on a house to make sure everyone and their brother knows about it. What’s the big deal? Aren’t a cute sundress and the courthouse all you really need to start the rest of your life with another human being? Apparently not. 

(This article is out of humor, and I appreciate every last detail my parents planned and paid for. They gave Jason and I a night that we will remember for the rest of our lives and we are eternally grateful. Love you guys.)


I mentioned some of these things before in my “What I’ve Learned After Getting Engaged” article, but after having experience them, I felt it necessary to repeat a few of them, and add in a few other wedding-tidbits.

Hair and Makeup Appointments = HASSLE 

I had a friend of my from high school do my bridal hair (shoutout to Whitney Nhor if you’re reading this girl, you rock) and my Maid of Honor came with me to get her’s done by another lady at the salon. First of all, I didn’t even know how I wanted my hair like a week before the wedding. I made my appointment five days prior to the big day and everyone kept calling me crazy. Originally, I wasn’t even going to pay someone to do it for me! Anyway… So I’ve mentioned before that I am a 90-year-old woman when it comes to Pinterest, right? Jason’s best friend Natalie (thankfully) showed me some of the ins and outs so I could find some good ideas that wouldn’t make me look like I was going to the 2002 Junior Prom. We decided on:


And obviously, we got to the salon and my hair was not cooperating with the idea of a waterfall braid. I didn’t mind switching up the plan to make sure we had enough time, but Whitney was determined. My stubborn locks finally let her weave magic onto my head and it turned out GAW-JUSSSSS. Meanwhile, Trish (MOH) was sitting in the chair next to me and this old, Eastern-European woman was giving her an updo fit for the Queen of England—and I don’t mean expensive and elegant, I mean old looking and too put-together. My beautiful best friend had just been turned into a poodle. We all just laughed at the situation and she just accepted that it would fall out and look more natural over the course of the morning. Let’s back track a little bit—I forgot clothes for that morning. I stayed over at Trisha’s house after the rehearsal dinner and in my brain, I was wearing my wedding dress the next day so obviously I didn’t need clothes. Except for the 7 hours prior to the wedding that I had to be in public! She is about five inches shorter than me and a few sizes smaller, in clothes and shoes. We ended up finding a pair of yoga pants and a jacket (that I wore without a shirt under it) and a pair of flip flops that were 2 sizes too small. Fast forward back to the salon—Trisha’s hair was finished and poor Whitney was still trying to tame my unruly hair into a Pinterest-perfect “do”. I couldn’t bear to wear those sandals any longer so Trish sprinted to Old Navy and bought me a plain, white pair of their classic flip flops (my mom pointed out that this will be an awesome memory and I HAVE to keep them, so I did).

Thanks to my insane head of hair, we were a little behind schedule getting to Nordstrom’s for my makeup appointment with MAC. Of course, traffic had to be all backed up on the day of my wedding. I rush into the store and get a seat; where I wait for over half an hour before a drop of product even touches my face. The girl comes back and covers me in primer and then disappears, this time for nearly 20 minutes! WOMAN DO YOU UNDERSTAND I HAVE A WEDDING TO GET TO AND IT HAPPENS TO BE MINE?! I understand it was two days before Christmas but damn it, I had an appointment and kind of wanted to feel important. After whatever shenanigans she was getting into, she finally comes back and I show her what I had in mind:


So her nimble little hands get to work and less than 20 minutes later she hands me a mirror and I see this:


All right, I can dig it.

Before I know it, both of my soon-to-be sister in laws show up and are waiting on me. Little did we know, traffic was getting worse by the minute and we were still 10 miles away. We finally get to the venue (only 10 minutes late, no biggie) and my mom and grandma were awaiting us in the Bridal Suite with champagne. Blah blah blah, getting into my dress and shoes and jewelry and veil and that entire snow queen garb. The best part, however, was my grandma giving my great grandmother’s blue floral handkerchief to pin around the stem of my bouquet, it was beautiful.


The preparation was stressful, the big day was exhausting, the reception was beautiful and full of my favorite people, but all I can say is that we were both happy for it to all be over and get the chance to enjoy some time at home together as husband and wife (still getting used to using those words). Take it from me when I tell you that nothing wedding-wise will ever turn out as planned but it won’t matter because the most important thing is that you’re creating a new lifetime with the coolest person in the world—and that’s that.



Things We’re Thankful for This Thanksgiving

Not being sad cat ladies.

(Okay, Emily might be a cat lady… in a future life. But at least she isn’t sad.)

Two beautiful men who want to marry each of us and still love us despite all our quirks and bitch fits.

A home-cooked meal after over a year of eating in a military dining facility.

Pie. Always pie.

Being comfortable in our bodies (dare I say it, feeling sexy), without obsessing over every little flaw.

Our ability to handle loss and still be able to put a smile on our faces most of the time.

Our steady paychecks, even if we’d rather saw our arms off than do the job that comes with it.

Lyss: My mom, who paid for my trip home this Christmas.

Emily: My mom, who is helping me plan a wedding while we’re both stationed away from home.

A small amount of friends who care, without whom we would never get anywhere.

Coffee. Caffeine.

The ability to speak our minds and express ourselves in any way we see fit.

Four days off from work.

This video, because kids are perfect.

Puppies! Even if we don’t have any.

Hey thanks, Pilgrims & Indians.

What are you thankful for?


On Apologies

Forgiveness is more than saying sorry.


If you’re not singing the Samantha James Classic from the movie “Just Friends” you’re wrong and I hate you.

Anyway, it’s come to my attention in recent years that I’m actually just a big asshole. That’s not to say I have no redeeming qualities, but the bad bitch struggle is real. And I’m not condemning this life at all, bad bitches, I’m your leader, like Nicki Minaj but pudgy, ginger, and white without the gigantor booty. There are things that shape you into being an asshole. Like years of childhood bullying, months of wild child party life, and finally realizing you just don’t really give half a shit about what 97% of the world population thinks. And let me tell you, it’s empowering. Be Judgey McJudgerson. You go Glen Coco.

I’m 100% down with being an asshole as long as you’re a little bit likable. Be a dick to the right people. I’m sure there’s at least one person you care about, right? Now think about your bad days, your moody days, days where your hair is frizzy and you feel like Shamu… I bet a good portion of those days were spent taking out your anger, your frustration, your sadness, on that one person you like who actually might like you back. Maybe they handle it well most of the time, but this article… This article is for the times they don’t.

Apologies aren’t a one step process. Maybe they should be, but it’s more complicated than that. I think an apology has almost the same stages that loss or grief have. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

Allow me to explain.

So you hurt you boyfriend/girlfriend/bestie’s feelings, and now they’re Uma Thurman in Kill Bill pissed. Now what?

Stage 1: Convincing yourself that your actions were completely justified. (Denial)

If you’re anything like me, the first step is a solid defense. Excuses, playing dumb, and blurting out reasons are a few classic moves of this stage of an apology. You’re not saying sorry for a goddamn thing. You didn’t do anything wrong, right?

Stage 2: A fair and even playing field. (Anger)

This stage sucks. This is where you dig up all the old skeletons. The old “well remember that one time you did that one thing that hurt me blah blah blah.” You’ll drag up things that have no place in the argument to further emphasize just how right you were. Smooth move, Casanova.

Stage 3: The non-apology apology. (Bargaining? Okay a bit of a stretch)

You’re still not totally convinced you’re the wrong one in the situation, but you do feel kinda bad that you upset your precious bb. That or you’re a dick who just wants the argument to end. So you spit out the obligatory apology. The “You’re right, I’m sorry.” You probably can’t bring yourself to say much else at this point, because you’re apologizing for making them feel bad, but you’re not ready to apologize for the act itself. This half assed step probably gets you into more shit.

Stage 4: The blubbering mess of “I’m sorry I’m such a piece of shit. I don’t deserve you. I’m worthless and stupid-INSERT MORE SELF HATE HERE.” (Depression)

Here’s where you lose it. You’re crying so hard you can’t breathe and you just desperately crave complete and instantaneous forgiveness. You start hating yourself and whining on about how terrible you are and how much you’ve fucked up and this that and the other thing. It’s probably all bullshit. Tomorrow you’ll think you were a big dumb idiot. But right now you’d say just about anything to get this person to love you unconditionally again. Not to say in that moment you don’t mean it, because oh, you feel every bit.

Stage 5: “Hey, I really am sorry for that thing that I did, and I’m also sorry I handled it like a 13 year old girl on her first period. I love you the most, and hope you will work with me to get past this. (Acceptance)

This is the only stage containing the real apology. The one where both parties acknowledge everything that was done to hurt the other, everything that was intentional, incidental, accidental, whatever. You accept that it happened, accept that you’re both regretting what a big deal it turned out to be, and accept that you’ll work with each other to grow and mend and recover from the crap you just dealt each other.

It might take a while to get through them all, but eventually you will. And you’ll feel like a big dummy. I mean, why can’t I skip right to the end and save myself the trouble? Sometimes you can, and you will. But if you can’t, just refer to the stages and know it’s coming. Know that if you’re a little more in tune with your reactions and emotions, maybe one day you won’t need to mourn in order to apologize. Till then, grieve on.

*Just a quick note, if any of you are actually going through a grieving process, I mean absolutely zero offense. I will not compare trivial arguments to your loss. I know and feel your pain very deeply and I am so sorry you have to go through it.