Life

Hello, Gorgeous.

 

Okay fine, I’ll accept that I’m not Fanny Brice (but a girl can dream, right? Rachel Berry does it…)

Or Ariel for that matter… What the heck, I’m blonde…

Anyway, it’s been a while. And by while I mean more than two months because apparently when a gal gets married these days, blogging no longer matters.

WRONG.

Just a little update:

  • I have a husband! HUSBAND. I mean he’s heading to our next base in 9 days, but who’s counting? (hint: me)
  • I’m working hard to get my fitness and nutrition in check (and by hard, I mean with the occasional cookie).
  • I finally quit smoking.
  • My husband (still can’t get over that word) and I replaced our Camel Menthol Silvers with these babies

PS, iTaste did not endorse me to say this, but, THESE ARE THE GREATEST INVENTION EVER. If your idea of an E-Cig is the crappy gas station ones that die after three days, I’m here to change your mind. There are endless flavor choices and you can gradually lower your nicotine intake. But hell, if I’m not smoking chemicals, I’m totally okay with being addicted to nicotine for the rest of my life. TheVaporChef has flavors like Nutella, Butter Beer and ‘Unicorn Poop’. I have only one word for these things — AMAZEBALLS.

You’ve probably read that my beautiful co-writer, Lyss, and her husband are expected a little peanut this Fall. I’m beyond excited for them! But we also found out we won’t be together when school is over, so that’s a bummer.

I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’m going to start blogging regularly again because my hobby habits are at an all time low. What’s a girl to do when she only has a week left with her new Hubby and will be apart for the first time since tying the knot?

Aside from that, life is good. I’m happy, healthy and excited for the new chapter in my life– and can’t wait to take you all with me.

Until next time, Gorgeous.

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Humor, Life

8 Reasons Quitting Smoking is Harder Than Organic Chemistry

In all fairness, this has nothing to organic chemistry. I just had less trouble passing that devil class than I have in my various attempts at kicking this habit.

1. You replace the cigarette habit with other habits, which most often are worse than the original addiction.

No cigarettes? No problem! You’ll just buy four bags of chips, six chocolate bars, and two 20 ounce red bulls instead. Sugar free red bulls though, gotta watch your figure.

2. It’s almost impossible for a smoker to not smoke while drinking.

Drinks with the girls. Two jack and cokes in and you’re itching to step out and light up. Then your BFF Emily pulls a pack of camel menthol silvers out of her purse and starts packing them at the table, asking if anyone’s got a lighter. You’re done for.

3. Cigarettes in traffic.

The freeway is backed up for miles and your only instinct is to roll the window down, turn the music up, and smoke the stress away.

4. Cigarettes when you’re falling asleep while driving.

The windows down and music up just aren’t enough to keep you awake. You need that buzz. You resist the urge and next thing you know you’re swerving into the other lane.

5. All of your friends are smokers.

Who the hell do you sit with at the table in the restaurant when you’re out to dinner and every single person excuses themselves for a smoke? Haha you’re alone at BDubs, loser.

6. It’s easy to stop if you have a legit reason, but if you just want to stop cause it’s “healthier,” good fricken luck.

You’re knocked up? You’re sick as a dog? Your mom is in town and she doesn’t know you’re a friggin ashtray? No problem. Smoking just isn’t a thing. You want to quit because, you know, it’s healthy? Hahahahahaah. That’s amusing.

7. Somebody offers you one and you don’t want to be impolite.

You’re bestie needs a buddy to smoke, right? She can’t smoke alone. That’s like leaving her prone to attacks or something.

8. Cigarettes are your stress buster.

Everyone you work with is pissing you off, and you would normally go outside for a breather and a cigarette. Now what?

Screw this, give me a cigarette.

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Humor

What Your Smoke of Choice Says About You

cigarette

Camel Turkish Golds

You probably look and/or act like a leprechaun and it is very possible that you’re more prone to love people with freckles. Some people might refer to you as a monkey. You enjoy being the little spoon and spend lots of time watching underground horror films on Netflix.

Marlboro Reds

Similar to those who smoke Turkish Golds, you enjoy lazy nights in. 30% of your diet is probably delivery Chinese food. You can pull off any hair style/color and you’re a real straight shooter. You are naturally good in school and have a “h8rz gonna h8” kind of attitude.

Camel Menthols

You are most likely easy-going, mild personality and not too crazy. You have a tendency to be indecisive. You like the simple but finer things in life and can carry a semi-dignified conversation. Your biggest downfall is that you like cheap beer.

Camel Menthol Silvers

You add a little bit of pep in your step when you realize there are still basic bitches smoking plain menthols. But you… you smoke silvers. This entails that you are one classy motherfucker. Your “non-smoking” friends usually bum from you, since everyone likes a classic and mild cigarette.

American Spirits

Basically, you want everyone to like you and for some reason, you think these will do the trick. Lots of Europeans smoke these so maybe you want people to think you’re cultured. But in reality, they’re popular across the pond because they have ‘America’ in the name so it seems cool to them. Cigar-ception.

Newports/Paul Malls

You like menthol but don’t feel like paying the extra dollar or two it costs to buy Camels—or you just want to appear hipster even if you can afford them. And since you enjoy the sensation of charred minty freshness in your throat, you probably also enjoy piss water such as PBR or Keystone Light.

Nat Shermans

If you shell out twice the price per pack for an extra skinny smoke, go you. Advertised as “The World’s Most Elegant Cigarette” clearly you are Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart’s secret millennial love child. Extra fancy-points if you choose Fantasias every now and again.

Black & Milds/Swishers

You probably started smoking these in high school because they were readily available since their rolling paper has a stigma for being used for other things. They taste nice and have as much tobacco in one as an entire pack of cigarettes. You will remain in this smoking rut until someone introduces you to a real brand.

Cigars/Pipe Tobacco

You were born 70 years too late & probably wear a fedora.

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